"What planet are they from?!" It's a question we often use dismissively. ​It's actually a really good question to ask ourselves more seriously, with more curiosity than judgement.

 

Our 'inner chimp' (limbic / personality / 'ego') finds difference threatening, and may react with defensive aggression or avoidance. This is at the core of 'unconscious bias'. It makes assumptions or pre-judgements which can turn out to be self-fulfilling prophecies.

That's because defensiveness triggers a matching threat response in the other person's 'inner chimp (limbic). So now neither of you is thinking 'smartly' or acting 'intentionally'. 

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The goal is to manage our inner chimp so we can respond (PFC) rather than react (limbic). Success comes from taking more time (maybe literally just a breath) to: 

• use EQ to deal 'smartly' with individuality (recognise their personality / ego); AND 

• connect with common humanity (let your SELF see their SELF)

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​To collaborate well you need to let go our natural preference for liking or being alike, accept the reality that people in our world really do live on a different planet, and work with patience and pragmatism. This principle is beautifully described in 'Moral Tribes' by Joshua Greene.